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  Business Inquiries / Geschäftliche Anfragen / Pour le Travail

For business inquiries, please phone my business number, please
First state you want to Buy Computer Consultancy

English: For business I can speak English, German or very slow French
Deutsch: Ja, für Geschäft, können wir Deutsch reden.
Francais: Oui, pour le travail, je comprend Francais, mais tres lentment, si vous plait !


  • I often pick up & say NOTHING !
  • You dialed my number: You Speak First! Identify yourself! You expect it's me. I don't expect it's You ;-) I have no idea who you are UNTIL YOU SPEAK FIRST.
  • If you happen to call during or after yet another wave of criminal Indians, you may get the silent treatment. Friends are intelligent enough to speak, giving me their pronunciation of my name or theirs, & which human language, & a chance to recognise their voice.
  • I am plagued by criminal Indians from call centres, faking Microsoft Support. I don't even USE Microsoft ! Which compounds the agravation.
  • I have a Lot of numbers, & periodically get swamped by persistent cold callers working through all the numbers.
  • Most callers for years have been Indian, un-regulated by Indian government. All the Indian criminals give very rare honest Indian callers a bad name.
  • Callers who phone with a background of music or call centre, whose robots then wait for recipient human voice before they assign one of their sellers or criminals are bad enough.
  • When then speak in Indian accented German lieing they are from Microsoft it's an open invite to swear at them, hang up on, put them on hold to lock up their line, or play them an mp3 audio track in German, equivalent of eg: "Hallo ... Sorry ... What do You want ... Ah ... This is my friend's line, please wait while I fetch my friend ... Are you still there ? Good hold on a minute I'll try upstairs ... Sorry wasn't there, I'll try downstairs, Please hold..."
  • Politeness is totally in-appropriate: Best whistle or swear loudly & vilely at them about their sex, religion or whatever most outrages them. They are parasites, make them hate & dump their criminal job, &/or mark your number in their lists as one for their colleagues to avoid.
  • There's YouTube videos of hijacked web cams spying back inside a nest of Indian criminals, go search!
  • Numeric Caller ID:
    • My current desk phone doesn't display numeric caller ID. Wouldn't help much if it did:
    • Some cold callers use analogue lines, or suppress caller ID, or fake caller ID, regular with criminals.
    • My previous PC display of caller name has failed, till I get time to fix it, (Name is extracted from numeric look up table in an xterm, from S0 ISDN on gateway PC.
  • More

Other Numbers & Contact Data

I have other phone numbers for friends, established customers, & service suppliers etc. They are Not listed here.
Only use phone numbers listed on my business cards, correspondence or Berklix web sites.
Do not use my old 6 digit Munich number 089 ________, it may already be abandoned by the time you read this, as it is spammed to hell by wasters.
Do not use phone numbers from old non Berklix archives I have no control of. Some numbers were on the net several decades ago, before web search engines existed.
They were harvested & flooded by criminal Indians in call centres faking being Microsoft support. They get ignored, an automatic reply, or a loud offensive response that upsets the criminals smiley face icon

My Answerphone is Off, If I don't answer, please Email me.

Redirection May Occur

I have multiple bases. If I'm not where you expect me, your call may be redirected. That won't cost you more than speaking to me on the number you dialed, (but be aware if after [perhaps one?] ring it goes silent, it may have diverted to 2nd base, where a WLAN or DECT phone might fail to pick up, & if so you may hear silence; that silence your phone provider would bill you for at same rate as a a normal call to me.) Not all numbers are forwarded, those not were listed on the web before automated scammers evolved, so those numbers get called by criminal Indian scammers saying "Your PC has a virus we can fix with our Trojan horse" ;-) (A farce as I use Free Software). If you have problems phoning me, Email me.

Your Answers

  ENGLISH + Deutsch/German + Francais/French

Unless you will purchase computer consultancy /
Ausser sie Consultancy kaufen wollen.
Me, my Company my Associates.

I can also chat in German with friends & colleagues, but if you Cold Call me in German, you have just seconds to declare you want to Buy Computer Consultancy, & are not another time Waster (aka phone spammer / call marketer etc).

I am NOT a free help desk !

Keine Um-Sonst Help Desk

Unless you quickly state your intention to pay me Money for computer consultancy ... Rules below apply to phoning me ! - Else I hang up.

Do Not Suppress Caller Identity !

DE: Kein Unter-drucken !

IT: Le telefonate con numero nascosto sono filtrate

If You Suppress Caller ID - You Will Annoy Yourself
  • Sometimes I do not pick up the phone.
    • The computer also shows which of my numbers you called. the combination indicates if your call is likely a waste.
    • It avoids strangers motor mouthing in various foreign languages, usually German, selling, sometimes (worst) in Bavarian dialect.
    • It avoids Indian accents lieing from criminal call centres, pretending to be Microsoft, when they're recruiting suckers to browse their virus site.
    • It avoids strangers scrounging free help. - Use a free mail list, eg here for FreeBSD.
    • It avoids club acquaintances (`Bekannter') who deliberately suppress ID yet want to consume my time. - Join club mail lists & ask there, or in person when we are both attending events I organise &/or attend.
  •   Sometimes I pick Up & Remain Silent Until Caller Speaks
    • It kills cold sellers, children, idiots, etc, who repeatedly call my various numbers, sometimes in unknown languages.
    • It allows me to carry on working un-interrupted, unless the caller is intelligent enough to speak & explain why he/she wants my time, & worse wants to disturb me ( I am a programmer, I can be deep in debugging a problem, could lose the thread just for a useless waster)
    • It avoids those who try by silence to force me to say first who I am, so they know how my name is pronounced, & they can perhaps pretend acquaintance, when they already have the advantage of knowing who they dialled.
    • Friends who have old analogue lines that don't disclose their ID are intelligent enough to say eg "Hallo, Fred here" or at least "Is that ... (with correct pronunciation that call centre wasters don't know) ?" to break silence.
Turn Caller ID On !
My computer shows your name (if known) from number). & may later have different phones ring with different tone for anonymous, known wasters, & known friends & customers, to indicate if it's worth breaking off & coming to the phone.

First Identify What You Want & Second: Who You Are

Zu Erst: Was Wollen Sie ? - Wollen Sie Computer Consultancy Kaufen ?

  • I get a LOT of wasters (aka spammers) phoning me.
  • So I answer "Hallo!" nothing more. You know who you've called, you have the advantage,
    Immediately say what you want & who you are. Else I hang up.
  • Most un-recognised voices in German are just wasters selling junk.
    That makes it difficult to recognise new customers calling me.
    Meist unbekannte Stimmen in Deutsch versuchen mir etwas zu verkaufen, also es ist in ihre eigene besten interesse, entweder English zu sprechen, oder erklaren sie schnell & Klar, welche Computer Consultancy sie kaufen wollen.
  • Depending which phone number you ring from your end, & to which number my end, & time & day in week, & language, I take a guess if you're yet another waster, or someone I want to talk to. That guess dictates how long before I hang up.
  • Maybe I'll say eg "Hallo" & nothing more & wait.
  • I get too many junk sellers phoning, I hang up in a few seconds.
  • You know who you hoped to call, & what you want.
  • Say what you want & who you are.
  • I don't hold on the line if I suspect another time waster. !
  • Occasionally callers are too obtuse or arrogant & try to force me to identify my name before they identify their number, name, what they want, & sometimes even their language.
  • I've knows Germans British & other nationals all that daft, I hang up on them.
  • I don't give my name or other info, until I've forced you to state what you want & your name. You have the advantage of me, you already know who you phoned, probably checked my web pages, give me parity, or I hang up.
  • Sometimes the clueless ask if my number is ......., no way I'm answering that, I have about 10 numbers, won't check 'em all, & if the call is in German, or worse, Bavarian, I'm certainly not going to re-invert / decode all the inverted doublets of digits & worse jumbles, that Germans emit, then match that against a list (not to hand) of all of mine !

Do NOT give your name as the first word of the call !

Zu Erst: Was Wollen Sie Kaufen ? Nur Spater: Ihre Name & Firma Name !

  • Make Your First Words eg "Hello", "Good Morning", "Guten Tag", "Bonjour!"
  • Give me time to realise what language(s) you speak ! & What languages your accent suggests you might also speak & I might also mix in.
  • Do Not say your name & company names as first words in a stream of fast German!
  • Yes some used to assert that's the polite normal [old fashioned] way in German. Irrelevant to me. (Similar Dodos asserted correct German order to write a CV/Lebenslauf, was school, University, First Job, Latest Job on last page. Younger computer professional were among the first to see the light & rectify that.)
  • I have No Interest in remembering your name & company, until I hear a Reason to remember !
  • What do you want to buy ? & do ?
  • Nearly all callers here in fast German are wasters that I dump in seconds.
  • Identify yourself fast as a buyer, not a waster.
  • Friends & customers I'll happily talk to in German too.
  • Until you tell me you want to buy Computer Consultancy, I assume you're another waster & hang up very fast.
  • I spend my day working on complex problems in the international computer industry language: English, not German! I Do not welcome interruptions in German unless you wish to purchase computer consultancy.


Rufen Sie mir an, nur im Englisch, fails sie nicht Computer Consultancy kaufen wollen.

Do not phone in German :
  • Unless you start by saying you will Buy Computer Consultancy
  • Expect me to hang up, fast ! (Most callers in German whose voices I don't recognise, who can't pronounce my name are wasters selling junk or harvesting info).
As your call rings:
  • My computer shows & logs:
    • Name (not number) of any known caller, Or
    • Number of unknown caller, Or
    • "From NotAvailable" if old analogue or withheld
    • Which of my numbers you called, eg: business/ private/ clubs/ spammed from phone book, etc.
  • If caller's number is NotAvailable
    • If a repeat caller, I may just pick up & say "Uh Huh !?" which forces caller to speak, & doesn't disclose which language I use by default.
      • they hate that, which pleases me,
      • until then they know who I should be, whereas I know nothing about them.
      • I get their language (often enough not German or English, but some foreigner) If I don't recognise their voice, & they demand to know who I am & they're not offering to purchase computer consultancy, they're Wasters & get Dumped.
    • If caller starts in German :
    • If a stranger fails to start by asking to buy Computer Consultancy ....
    • If I hear motor mouth Fast German from an unrecognised voice,
      • If I suspect a robotised pause for answer & sales queuer: Caller gets classified & filed as: "Waster" : The response varies, sometimes
      • (Sometimes I don't just hang up, I do better: I deliberately give initial answers to robot to engage the queue for human 2nd level response, then leave the phone on desk, occasionally using keys or speech to lock up their sales robot or human, so they can't waste so many other innocent people's time as well).

    • Or I interrupt more loudly in English ""ERR .. Do you want to buy Computer Consultancy ?" (Which last brought a friendly laugh & response in English from German sales girl), & a friendly & quick agreement we had no need to talk to each other.
    Both techniques worth using smiley face icon as I find having my concentration interrupted by phone, to be sold at in a foreign language by someone who hides his number, as most offensive, & worth inconveniencing them in return, to the extent, they might note my number as too troublesome to call again.
  • Some clueless people from a moribund club used to phone me in German, re. English club events & mail lists I help run / organise, they ignored all of { the club's raison d'etre - to operate in English - & events info, my web pages, & mail list announcements I make are } all in English.
  • I give a lot of time organising events, & running lists & servers, I can't afford to lose concentration & more time unpaid, listening in German, explaining & reasoning in German.
  • Those club lists are nearly all for English speakers, so if you want my time unpaid: save me assuming you're another waster : Speak English at least until you get stuck, then we'll switch.)
  • If you cant speak English, go join a German club instead, in Germany, finding a German speaking club isn't hard in Germany ;-) (though we've had a few weirdos who persevere in Not speaking English & want organisers & all others of various nationalities on an event to all speak German just 'cos one misfit can't listen in English
If you want my time, Start in English, even if we later oscillate between English & German.
He Who Helps, Determines Which Language we start in. I'm happy mixing 50/50 English & German with friends, & in German in German clubs I join, but If you want to phone me in 100% German, quickly declare yourself a customer who wants to pay me for computer consultancy.

& Alphabet

  • I am English - Ich spreche auch Deutsch - Aber Nur Hoch- Deutsch ! * Nur Für Bezahlender Kunden ! Ich will Kein Bayerisch Hören oder Lernen!
  • Give all you numbers in single digit strings - not German swapped digit pair format. - Bei Nummern, sagen sie einzelne Ziffern, links nach rechts, nicht Paarweise rum-gefummelt !
  • I have the usual English difficulty recognising German pronunciation of individual alphabet letters. I don't recognise umlaut pronunciation at all.
  • Use the International Alphabet (For both German & English).

  TIME ZONE - Central Europe, Germany

All Berklix servers can report current time & date.


In Munich, Bavaria, Germany. Central European Time zone. TZ = "GMT+01:00" or "Germany/Berlin". 1 hour ahead of London, England. Same Summer time switch over dates as London. In (northern hemisphere) summer, London is 1 hour ahead of Greenwich Mean Time = UTC, & Munich is 2 hours ahead.

Office Hours

  • NOT available at 08:00 in Munich Germany, Do NOT phone till long after !
  • Not before 09:30 Munich time (Except where it cannot be avoided, eg perhaps from Asia).
  • smiley face icon I work London City (commercial not civil service) office hours eg 09:30 - 18:30 UK (GMT or BST) time. That's 10:30 - 19:30+ in Munich.
  • Early evening calls OK.

Americans & Canadians resident in USA

European Time Zones Are Way Ahead From All American Time Zones !
Realise there is a World out there !
& It's way off from American clocks ! Sure some pay attention, but some don't care. Here's a graphic reminder of the globe:
  earth orthographic
On the other page with time zones etc ... Is Europe not on the right ? Has Europe rotated well into the dark ? Is Australia edging into the dawn ? Then do Not phone Europe now ! Email &/or phone tomorrow earlier.

Phone Europe in the American morning,
not at end of American West coast business day!

I may take calls late my end, if motivated, & preferably after prior warning. It might be OK, Phoning late & trying, or by accident & saying eg "Oh is it that late your end, Are you tired ? Should I phone you earlier tomorrow ?" ... But ...

Do NOT Aggressively Phone After Midnight & Demand I Work
Examples of 2 stupid aggressive men who Failed to get what they demanded:

  • A Toronto lawyer who persisted trying to negotiate stupid contract terms after being told it was 2 to 3 AM my end. The Canadian multi-national company he worked for phoned numerous times before & after midnight for non emergencies, The CFO & his lawyer engaged in evil to avoid their company paying our team for work done. We sued & got paid.
  • A Californian Japanese programmer in a public domain project phoned & tried to force me to work immediately (unpaid) even after being told it was ~2 in the morning & I needed to sleep. I never worked with him. He too failed to get what he wanted.

Do Not Call outside European Business Hours
Unless you have already paid me or my company Money

  picture of bank notes
I No Longer Trust Customer Assumptions That The Management Of Their Company Will Automatically Pay For Work Agreed Done - So A Deposit Is Often Required.
  • So I don't work outside European Business Hours till I or my company receives money.
  • No offence, but some companies are rogues, & a few at management level are dishonest & can not be trusted to stick to a deal & pay, even when a customer engineer signs off on acceptance test, & agrees the work's fine & the bill should be paid.
  • Experience: Sued & won 2 debts, + dealt with 3 other attempted rip offs in 28 years.
  • Companies usually pay their employees through hard times, as it's harder to evade paying employees than is to evade & / or delay paying external service providers So employee project managers etc may not always know if their company is short of cash.
  • Even less can I predict if some customer top manager will perceive business circumstances change, & an order he signed last week may look less beneficial now, so a top manager may provoke a problem, as an excuse to terminate contract, & pose to his fellow executives, as tough, beating up a service provider he ordered from the week before.
  • Before you phone me to work outside European Business Hours please first check your company has paid me or my company
  • If your company hasn't paid me or my company yet
    • Perhaps because I &/or colleagues & my company has been working flat out all hours for you & hasn't had time to pause technical work to assemble & issue a bill yet
    • Get your company to issue me or my company an advance on services, some money Up Front (possibly in Escrow if we agree)
    • I & my company won't work out of hours for your company on unsecured credit.
    • Your company must front money or security.
    • A signed contract is No security, just an aggravating obligation on both sides, with option to litigate to wait years for money. We don't work for that.
    • If you want computer consultancy outside European business hours, prior to your company paying in to our account, get your local representative to go to your bank or their bank or cash machine (ATM) in Europe, & draw substantial cash or get a bankers draft issued, (Not a cheque drawn on your company account, & not a transfer that can be revoked).

Americans etc: Do NOT Phone Me Before Checking MY Timezone!

  • Experience shows local project managers of near all customers Can be trusted, but senior remote managers of some customers can Not be trusted.
  • I work late, but & so: in the late night & early morning Only extremely urgent & important technical & service problems interest me, (eg multiple server failure), NOT merely arguing contract terms & money with idiot managers, lawyers, & programmers from Canada & USA - that can & must wait, it is NOT urgent! Learn at that time you don't matter & are irrelevant. I've had all of idiot American/ Canadian lawyers & managers for commercial companies, & non commercial volunteer FreeBSD project committers phone me in the middle of the night for non urgent rubbish, It did the callers & their companies & projects no benefit, they got nothing except contempt.
  • Only if you have also already paid me or my company
  • Only if first payment has already been received & verified cleared funds by my or my company's bank.


  Global Position Probably NOT Current,
Click For Real Global Position & Times,

earth orthographic
  • Make sure your browser & gateway are not caching old pages with old times! (To check, click reload a few times & see seconds increase).
  • A "CEST" acronym means Central European Summer Time.

NO CALL WAITING (`Kein Anklopfen')

Do Not Put Me On Hold !

Put me on `hold' for more than a few seconds, & I'll hang up on you. I will not call or mail you back, nor think further what we were talking about; You thought it was un-important, your problem to restore context.

I Will Not Put You On Hold

If I hear a call ringing signal my end while talking to you: I will glance at the display to see name of person calling, I will Not put you on hold to talk to them, though I may arrange to call you later, if the other caller might be an urgent mobile, & you might be re-callable later.

CONSIDER FACE TO FACE SOCIAL Instead. It May Be More Efficient ?


Stop Press 2022-02:
  • Best phone my 8 digit number printed on physical business cards, as that number auto- diverts to me, (That number is not shown on the web copy of the card).
  • Don't use my very old 6 & 7 digit numbers: Not auto- diverted as most callers there are Indian criminals in call centres, trying to virus Microsoft PCs, (I use No Microsoft), only Unix, eg BSD & Linux, etc.
  • Avoid using the 8 digit number below unless you have no other, it may not auto- divert, best Email me for a better phone number.
Number below obscured (*) to disrupt time wasters.
International_a_+_b_4_c_ 9__ d__8_ e_ 9__f__ 2_ g_6_ h_0_i_ 2_j_ 3_k_2_ l_7_m_ 6_ n_
Germany_a_  _b_  _c_0__ d__8_ e_ 9__f__ 2_ g_6_ h_0_i_ 2_j_ 3_k_2_ l_7_m_ 6_ n_
Higher priority phone numbers are available once your company has made first payment to me or my company.

Business inquiries most welcome. The number is a normal ones, Not an expensive support tariff, Phone company does not pay me a fee when you phone me (So first tell me if you can afford & will pay me at full professional consultant rates, till that is answered, your technical issues don't much interest me; I always have enough tech issues of my own to explore, don't waste your time asking me for free support, use a technical mail list or web forum instead).

Alphabet Pronunciation For when German & English speakers confuse each other with pronunciation ;-)

(*) Maybe later I might obscure my number with a better technique, using eg a: Captcha, but spam robots have already cracked some, & humans do not like them, so it's unlikely.

The '+' Prefix

+49 89 ________ Desk
+49 ________ Mobile German
+44 ________ Mobile British
+ is international symbol for whatever it takes to get out
of country (used to be 010 in UK, probably also 00 works
now in UK) 00 works in Europe. Mobile phones automatically
emit what's appropriate to where they are if one stores
number as '+' better than '00'.

Call Rates & Call Back

I am on a normal (non premium, non {mobile=cell=handy} line.
If business just call me. If you're a friend Not calling from a premium rate or {mobile=cell=handy}, I can call you back if you remind me (per flat rate of Deutsche Telekom "CountryFlat(1.4)" (Tariff price 3.31 + MWSt = 3.94 Euro/month at March 2011, for "Die Flatrate fürs benachbarte Ausland, USA, Kanada, Australien und Westeuropa"), to any normal terrestrial (non premium, non mobile) in
America = USA, Andorra, Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, France, Germany, Great Britain inc Isle of Man & Channel islands), Greece, Ireland, Italy, Lichtenstein, Luxembourg, Monaco, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, San Marino, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Czech Republik (Tschechien), Vatican City.
  • USA & Canada mobiles as 0, yet Britain & Austria as 28 cents/min. !
  • Doesn't list Deutschland, which would have been useful to see mobile rates to Telekom's & competitive nets, (info removed to some other page as not foreign I suppose).
  • Not sure about calls to premium rate numbers in other countries eg UK 08 "You have just been `serviced' ;-)" numbers.

Nomenclature:Wondering whether to call it Mobile (UK), Cell (USA), or Handy (German) ?

They all contain an IMEI = International Mobile Equipment Identity, so the answer is "Mobile" Not "Cell", Not "Handy"

Call Diversion

When I'm not available at the Munich office, calls are re-routed, costs you nothing more, saves you using other numbers, & quality does not suffer (I'm not using Skype).

Email, Mobile, Sms & Fax Numbers

Who Calls You ? - Look Up Their Number !

Some of these look up services provider a map of roughly where caller is, so if they are calling you in the middle of the night, look up their global time, then call them back in the middle of Their night ;-)

Number Prefixes

DE 0137 EXPENSIVE, 1 euro per call, tele-voting, abused.
DE 0190 EXPENSIVE Rip Off, Old, Terminated 2005-12-31 CT Mag year=2005, edition=21
DE 01901-01909 Final digit indicates call rate. CT Mag year=2005, edition=21
DE 0191 Info CT Mag year=2005, edition=21
DE 0193 Entertainment CT Mag year=2005, edition=21
DE 0195 Porn CT Mag year=2005, edition=21
DE 0900 EXPENSIVE. CT Mag year=2005, edition=21
DE 09009 Obligatory for EXPENSIVE rip off dialer programs CT Mag year=2005, edition=21
UK 118 Can be Service Charge of more than 7p per minute or per call
UK 01 & 02 & 03 Standard rate.  
UK 070 Can be Service Charge of more than 10 per minute or per call
UK 080 Free from land-lines and mobiles.
UK 0808 Free (In USA 808 used by time waster $5/min)
UK 0844 EXPENSIVE up to 7p per call and/or up to 7p per minute
UK 0845 EXPENSIVE Calls to 084 and 087 numbers incur both an Access Charge of up to 12p per minute from land-lines or up to 55p per minute from mobiles and a Service Charge of up to 7p per minute or per call for 084 numbers or up to 13p per minute or per call for 087 numbers.
UK 0847 EXPENSIVE up to 13p per call and/or up to 13p per minute
UK 09 ULTRA EXPENSIVE up to £6.00 per call and/or up to £3.60 per minute 098 + legacy 0908 & 0909 are sex.

Copied from Uisance calls.

Phone Scams : A comment credited to ljk@ :

  • Common one is to call someone, tell them to put the phone down and call their bank, or wherever relevant for the scam if they are not sure. However on UK landlines, the call is held by the caller, so when the target puts the phone down and picks it up again, the scammer generates a ring tone and makes it seem as though the target has made a new call. The scammer then answers - usually a different person, and then plays the scam.
  • Basically, never trust anyone who phones up, whether computer, tax, bank or any other financial topic. Always phone back the particular organisation fraud team on another phone, using a number you have, not one the potential fraudsters give you. If it's obviously a fraud, hopefully the particular organisation can do something about it.
  • If you do get called by one of the scumbags, it is rather fun to keep them on the line for as long as possible, seeming like you are an idiot. They usually get rather annoyed. Even better if you can find out anything about them!!!
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